Just another day.

I feel like I need to write today. The tattoo bug has me good again. I really thought I’d decided not to get any major work until I got through some school, but I won this phone at work the other day and it’s a good source of tattoo money. Besides the amount of time that being obsessed with something like that takes, there is the inevitable agitation it gives me with certain elements of society. There is so much stupid nonsense out there that it makes me want to rant, rave, and choke people. Freaking soccer mom’s with husbands with 6-figure incomes who decide that 40 years old is the ideal time to be a “rebel”, and that a tiny ankle tattoo of their zodiac makes them “badass”. Bloody hipsters with ½ the lyrics to their favorite horrid emo band’s most meaningful song tattooed on them in number 10 font the will look like nothing but blurry lines in 3 years. This growing generation of the “rock-star” tattooist, and their insatiable apatite for freaking attention. We can increase the list ad nauseam.

It did all bring about a bit of a moment of clarity recently though. The guy who did my last work, and will likely do my next work is this super low-key dude that doesn’t seem caught up in any kind of race to be the next rock-star tattooist. I was talking to my wife about where I was going to go with this money, and if I’d be able to go visit one of the more well known artists I admire. She asked, “why, don’t you trust Teddy”? That made me really think about how hypocritical I was being about some of this stuff. Instead of being grateful that I know an awesome tattoo artist who welcomes us in to his home, and gives us top notch, completely unique work; I was worried about being able to brag on some silly social networking site that I went to see so and so.

Why is it so often that the thing I want so badly not to want, is the very same thing I want so badly. I have a long history of some really big issues being content. For a long time I thought it was just a simple matter of being a glass half empty kind of guy, and not being a big concern. As I’ve matured a lot in the last few years I’ve realized that it’s something deeper than that. It’s a matter of contentment. My mind always racing towards “the next”, toward something I imagine as better, but is likely just different. The next television, the next tattoo, the next car, the next cool phone, the next cool tattoo artist to meet. Next, next, next, next. For me “new” is something that wears off almost before it happens.

I've been chewing on this since I saw this picture posted by a tattoo artist from Philadelphia that I greatly respect. It is a picture from the protests going on in New York right now regarding our out of control government, and the general culture of greed in our country. At first I was a bit disappointed. I thought being a tattoo artist he'd be all, "down with the man", and such. It has these captions pointing out things such as a camera by nikon, hat by J. Crew, a shirt from the Gap, and you can see various fancy cell phones and such. The idea, I suppose, is how the protesting against government and corporations is kind of being brought to us by corporations.

Now before I get too far I want to make it clear I'm not a corporatist, and I'm personally appalled at jobs being shipped overseas and the disappearance of a substantive middle class. I'm also neither democrat or republican. I don't really identify with any political party too well. There are parts of the republican, democratic and libertarian platforms that I agree with. I find myself feeling like some sort of grouchy old man though, because of what I think about a lot of what's going on. The protesters in other parts of the country, I can't speak for at all, but the protesters in this area I do know something about. What I feel like I'm seeing is kind of a generation of children. Groups of 20 and 30 somethings with nothing better to do than stand around day and night holding signs and complaining about the state of things. Posting from their Chinese slave labor made iphones to their favorite corporate entity social network how fed up they are that corporations are taking over the country. Collecting an unemployment check or going to walmart with their food stamps or attending university on a government backed student loan while complaining how horrid and evil the government is. Yes, I fully understand that the ability to spend day and night hanging around around is contributed to by the utter shit the economy is. My argument though isn't that we shouldn't be complaining or doing anything, I just think it needs to come from a bit of a different direction.

I work for this giant cell phone company, and have had the opportunity to see a microcosm of this over and over again in the last few years. Customer says, "I hate your company, and think you're evil and you should all die". I tell them I'm terribly sorry to hear that. They reply, "so when does that new gotta-have-or-I'll-look-like-a-chump phone come out? If I don't get it my life will so totally just be over". Here's the problem. Hate a company? Think they're evil, immoral, or just a bunch of assholes? Don't buy their products. I love a good public protest, and I certainly agree it's the best vehicle to bring about certain sorts of change. However, I'm also quite sure that there is a BOA exec somewhere right now having a good laugh because some protester somewhere is buying a case of bottled organic green tea from a chain store he owns stock in and paying with their BOA card.

Even at almost 30 years old I feel like a bit of a child myself. My wife and I both work full time. We have a solid roof over our heads. We have everything we need, and some of what we want. We pay our bills and taxes and don't need any handouts from the government. What I have to admit, and why I still feel like a bit of a child, is that this has only been a development in the past few years. I know what it feels like that you've been sold a bill of goods you're not satisfied with. I can't help but feel that there is a flip side to it all though. Part of being sold something is buying it. Some of it I understand has been forced upon us, much of it though, we eagerly bought up trying to fit in or measure up or to try to find something that would identify us since we didn't know who we were.

It's sad to say, but we're not going to kill this beast by over-powering it. We'll only defeat it by starving it. Take your money out of national banks and move it to local credit unions and privately owned banks. Quit complaining about all the dangerously shoddy Chinese shit you buy at walmart and just quit buying it. Don't stand in line for 4 hours to buy the next gimmicky electronic garbage that's being built by 11 year old children in China. These companies haven't and won't listed to our physical voices. The only voice any of them have ever, or will ever listen to, is the voice of our collective pocket books. It's our responsibility, not the government's, to change the future for ourselves.

This is me trying...

This is me trying to work at this. I've recently become full-on obsessed with tattoos and tattooing. It has been a more frequent reminder of something I've always been aware of, just not reminded of regularly. I can't draw. I have no real depth perception and I was never really even good at coloring pictures as a kid. I've always been concerned about this lack of artistic ability.
I read the stories of these tattoo artists, and the imagery always floating around in their heads, and I'm jealous. For whatever reason I forget that I can play at least a couple musical instruments, I can write poetically with a certain amount of skill, and I can express my thoughts and opinions and such in words quite well. Maybe it's just human nature. That always taking for granted what you have, and wanting what you don't.
Likely the most important thing I think I've gleaned from this insane interest in the world of tattooing recently has been something about dedication. Somewhere in between killing yourself with what you're trying at and simply staying dedicated to keep working at it, keep trying. So... this is me trying.